I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
