well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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