Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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