respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
