I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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