Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
