With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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