She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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