I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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