I've blown a few things in my day
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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