I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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