I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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