I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
