yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
