my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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