my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
