Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
