i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
