just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
