North Korea, Best Korea!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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