dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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