just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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