break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
