is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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