8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
