tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
