youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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