I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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