I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
