I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
