I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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