and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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