if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You may now shotgun with the bride
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize