I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
