So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
