this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We have started to decorate penises.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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