When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
