All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
