I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
