im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
