Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
