Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
