the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
