never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
In America we eat man semen.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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