I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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