I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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