ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
