I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
