I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
