It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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