Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize