I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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