I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Im at strip club and am horny
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
