True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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