Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
