i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
