She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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