Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
