Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize