I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
