I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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