ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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