Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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