conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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