I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
