I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
