Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
