we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
