Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
