So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
