he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
