She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
