Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
