...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
