This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
