they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There r osticjed everywhere
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
