did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
