I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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