I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
we're so committed to being not committed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
