I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
