I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm both gender and math confused
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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