In the future we'll all be gay
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
