Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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