I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
