its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
